But I moved on in life. I had no choice. It’s what I had to do.
When you left me, I was broken. I thought that the world was going to end. I thought the universe was going to come crashing down on me and I assumed that that would be it. I just thought that you were my entire world, and so when you chose to leave, I had felt like I had nothing to live for. You were my one true love and so when you left, I thought that love would never come back into my life ever again. I was being over dramatic, I know. Scrutinizeing back, I see just how foolish my thinking was, but as they say, hindsight is always 20/20. But I’m just being honest when I say that I literally thought that happiness would continue to elude me for the rest of my days just because you chose to end things with me. I thought that I was going to have to prepare myself for a life of perpetual sorrow, regret, and disappointment.
But the best way to move on from a devastating and heartbreaking experience like that is to try and learn from it. And fortunately enough, that’s what I did. I knew that despite the dim environment, there was always going to be a silver lining and it was my job to seek it out. For the sake of myself, I needed to try and turn the negative into a positive. I needed to make sure that things were going to work out in the end for me. I had no one else to depend on but myself. I needed to step up for the sake of my being.
And thank goodness, I was able to pick myself up. I was able to pluck some light out of all that darkness. I was able to find some piece of good out of all the bad. I was able to find strength within myself even at the weakest point in my life. It was the darkest period of my life, but I managed to serve as my own light. I was my own sunshine. I was my own brightness. I managed to add color to the black and white world that you left me in.
We were in love for quite some time, and that’s not an insignificant thing. That’s not something that you could just roll your eyes at. That’s not something that you just mention in passing. The very fact that you and I fell in love and managed to sustain that love for a long time is reason enough for me to feel as devastated as I did. Know that you were the only person I had ever fallen so hard for. You were the only person I had ever invested so much of myself in. And so when you chose to just walk away, I felt like I had just lost a big poker pot. I had pushed all of my chips into the center of the table and I walked away with nothing but a broken heart. There’s something almost poetic to the sadness that I felt at the time. It was like a beautifully written epic that was fit for a Hollywood tragedy. At the time, I couldn’t even imagine what kind of future I would have to face without you by my side. When we were together, you were always on my mind whenever I thought about the future. And so you completely rocked all of my plans upside down when you chose to exit my life. You were the one I loved the most in this world, and you didn’t choose to love me the same way.
But I moved on in life. I had no choice. It’s what I had to do. Of course, eventually, I would be able to bring my life back on track. I would be able to forge a path for myself and that’s good. I had to believe in my own strength; in my own capacity to overcome this tragedy that you caused me. I had to believe that there was going to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
So let me take this opportunity to say that I hate you for leaving, but I thank you for it at the same time. I hate you because you chose to spit on all of the feelings that I had for you. But I thank you because your decision to leave me taught me something very valuable about myself; it taught me a lesson that I needed to learn sooner rather than later. Your decision to leave taught me that I can do things on my own. Your decision to not be with me taught me that I’m going to do fine by myself. Your decision to stop loving me taught me that my love is going to be enough.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé